It’s Official – I Have Binge Eating Disorder. . . Now What?

For someone who had struggled with binge eating for close to 15 years, finding out that Binge Eating Disorder had become an official diagnosis was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I thought, “Finally, someone gets it!” On the other hand, I now have a diagnosed eating disorder.

In addition to the multitude of emotions that can trigger my bingeing, I felt sadness, shame, despair, loneliness, self-loathing, and hopelessness. Initially my diagnosis become an excuse: “Well, I have BED so I guess this is my lot in life.” That led to a never ending barrage of horrible self-talk. How’s that for a Trigger Soup!

How I went from “I am a binge eater” to “I have Binge Eating Disorder ”

Long ago when I started down the path of my recovery from BED, I had to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t going to happen overnight. I had to learn to give myself the patience and grace I’d give a small child who was struggling. If that child was hurting, I wouldn’t offer her food to cover it up. I would comfort and soothe her. And I would never say the negative things I said myself to that child, would I?

Over time I made a shift in my identity. I was blessed to attend a retreat specifically focused on recovery from Binge Eating Disorder. The reality hit me on the first day when I learned that I was not alone!  I am not defined by my eating disorder. I am not defined by my size. I am not defined by my past. And I am not a woman who reinforces my uncomfortable emotions with my own script of horrible self-talk.

I am not “a binge eater.” I have Binge Eating Disorder. It is what I have, not who I am. And that can be healed. I can use my experiences to inspire and encourage others to reach for healing and recovery. I am a loving, caring, hard-working, spiritual, beautiful woman, and I am learning to let those define me now.