Whose Side Are You On?

One of the more profound memories along my mindful eating journey was the day I walked by a mirror in my house and heard some part of me say, “You’re stupid, fat, and ugly!” The words and tone shocked me. The disdain in those words left me feeling ashamed and rejected. I wasn’t aware that I had thoughts and feelings like that running around in the back of my head.

I’d been to a workshop earlier that week and something the presenter said stopped me in my tracks. She was talking about how we beat ourselves up over our eating, our weight, and our size. and asked, “How’s that workin’ for ya?” I’d never even thought about it. She framed blaming ourselves for our failures with dieting as “beating ourselves up,” which didn’t really make sense to me at the time—but it stuck with me.

After hearing my own self-denigrating words the very next week, said with a tone that I now recognize as my restrictive voice, I  started paying attention. I began to see that what I thought was motivating me to “do better,” was actually tearing me down.

Raising my awareness and paying attention to my inner voices was hard, gut wrenching work in the beginning. I made the classic mistake that I now see many of my clients struggle with at times: beating myself up, for beating myself up. Michelle May and Kari Anderson address this in the Am I Hungry? Mindful Eating for Binge Eating Program. The self-care skills we learn and practice are grounded in mindfulness, which teaches us to bring non-judgmental awareness and accept what is.

For me, the payoff for doing this work was immediate. Once I became aware, I couldn’t undo this new knowledge. I began to recognize that when I wasn’t on my own side, there were consequences to my mood and self-esteem that contributed to wanting to use food to soothe myself.

Rick Hanson writes about “Being For Yourself.” and offers a practical way to notice and practice this skill. I encourage you to take the time to befriend yourself and notice whose side you’re on—you’re worth fighting for!

Whose side are you on? Share one thing you can do this week to start showing yourself some love and respect! Leave a comment below to join the conversation.