How to stop stuffing emotions down with food

An essential step in healing your relationship with food is to learn how to stop stuffing emotions down with food. Cultivating the ability to “sit” with discomfort, rather than trying to push it away, allows you to reflect on what is happening, and what, if anything, you can do about it.

Let me share an example from my own life of a time when I sat with my emotions (I didn’t really have a choice!), rather than pushing them away.

Observing emotions instead of stuffing them down

I was scheduled for surgery, and found myself dreading the pre-op clear liquid diet. (A person who names her company “Am I Hungry?” wouldn’t intentionally ignore her hunger signals, would she?)

The experience turned out to be a wonderful reminder of how valuable it is to be able to “sit” with discomfort rather than trying to push it away.

As I stocked up on tea, Jell-O, and bullion, I realized how anxious I felt about going 36 hours without food.

The anxiety reminded me of times in the past when I automatically reached for food to push other uncomfortable emotions down, like boredom or feeling overwhelmed. When I made the connection between how I felt anticipating the discomfort of hunger (which I knew I would survive) and the discomfort of stress and other triggers (which I also knew I could survive), I realized that I had been given a gift. I had an opportunity to mindfully experience something I wouldn’t have voluntarily chosen, but had no choice but to endure.

The moment I stopped resisting the idea of fasting for my surgery and began to embrace it instead, my whole perspective shifted. I felt alive and in tune with my body and everything that was going on in and around me.

I had previously considered canceling my morning hike because of the fast ahead, but now I relished every step, knowing it would be several weeks before I could climb my favorite trail again.

Afterward, I treated myself to one final yoga class and settled easily and deeply into “corpse pose” at the end of my practice despite the audible grumbling of my stomach.

As the day progressed, I mentally reviewed the details of each level of hunger on the Hunger and Fullness Scale (from Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat) as I passed through it:

5 – Neutral; no hunger, no fullness.
4 – Just hunger pangs; it’s my first awareness that I’ll need more fuel soon.
3 – I’m definitely hungry now; my stomach is growling.
2 – A growing emptiness in the pit of my stomach. My blood sugar must be dipping as I’m increasingly distracted by thoughts of food.
1 – Ah yes, I am famished. Headache – check. Difficulty concentrating – check. Irritability – check. Why does every commercial seem to be about food? And why is my husband eating in front of me?

At one point, I actually laughed out loud, “Hey, this is just like I described in my book!”

Since eating anything more than a cup of broth was not an option, I realized I still had a choice. I could resist the emotional and physical discomfort, which I knew would only add to the discomfort. Or, I could just roll with it.

I decided to do my best to remain calm and introspective. Other than feeling less energetic than usual, nothing bad happened. The hunger would subside then come back stronger awhile later to remind me that I was still ignoring it. (Our bodies are SO wise!)

What we resist, persists—and insists!

All too often, we resist any sort of physical or emotional discomfort. As soon as we notice loneliness, anger, fear, stress, pain, or other unavoidable suffering that comes with being human, we turn on the tube, shovel food in our mouths, have a glass of wine—or sometimes all three simultaneously.

It’s as though we believe we can tune it out, shove it down, or drown it. Sooner or later, it comes bubbling back up to the surface (perhaps even more insistent than before). So, we reach for our next quick fix.

What’s your fix for shoving your emotions down? Chocolate? Alcohol? Shopping? Work? Sex? Exercise? Dieting? Perfection?

It doesn’t really matter what you try; none of them work for long, because what you resist, persists, and the longer, the stronger.

Your emotions communicate your needs

In our “gotta-feel-good-all-the-time” culture, we’ve been taught that buying more, eating more, or achieving more will keep us happy all the time. This is one of the greatest lies ever told, and perhaps it’s keeping you trapped in an endless quest to avoid feeling anything at all.

To be clear, your emotional and physical feelings (both wonderful and painful) are your body’s way of communicating your needs with you. When you try to shove your emotions down, you are missing an opportunity to discover how to care for yourself.

Rather than pushing your feelings away with food or some other quick fix, practice observing them, accepting them, even embracing them.

How to sit with your emotions instead of shoving them down

Here are some ways to “sit” with your feelings when you’re ready to try it (also from Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat):

• Become aware of your breathing.
• Sit with your feelings and watch how they naturally ebb and flow.
• Write your feelings down, unedited, using a journal, computer, or even a scrap of paper.
• Complete the sentence: I feel… or I am… For example, “I feel lonely,” or “I’m angry with my boss” or “I am worried about my children.”
• Imagine there is a pressure valve on your body that you can turn to release some of your emotions. You can turn the valve higher or lower to control the flow of emotions.
• Describe your feelings as a picture or a metaphor. Start with, “My feelings are like…” and compare them to a color, an animal, a familiar story, or whatever images surface.
• Draw images or scribble on a pad of paper to see what emerges.
• Talk about your thoughts and feelings out loud or into a tape recorder.
• Discuss your feelings with a trusted friend or family member.
• Seek the assistance of a counselor or therapist if you feel overwhelmed, scared, or unable to identify or work through your emotions.

Tolerating discomfort decreases suffering

It’s helpful to remember that discomfort is a natural, unavoidable part of life, and we can increase or decrease our suffering by how we respond.

When I woke up in pain after surgery, my first impulse was to tense up to somehow try to make the pain go away. From somewhere, the lessons I learned during my pre-op fast emerged.

I took a few deep breaths, asked for a back rub, and was soon back asleep. Sixty hours passed before I ate again (who knew hospital eggs could taste so good!). Things soon went back to normal—eating according to my body’s signals—and not chicken broth and jello!

I’m grateful for the experience and the things I learned. I am also glad it was only temporary.

I absolutely don’t advocate fasting for weight loss, but now I better understand why people fast for spiritual reasons. The ability to cultivate a feeling of peace in the face of physical or emotional discomfort is a skill worth practicing. Learning how stop stuffing emotions down with food is just one of the benefits.

It also left me more convinced than ever that asking yourself, “Am I hungry?” when you feel like eating is a wonderful first step for tuning into your true needs. But next time, instead of rushing in to make yourself feel better, simply remain present to the experience and the lessons you might discover in that moment.

This article has been updated from a previously published version.

If you enjoyed this article, here are three more to help you:

Don’t Stop Emotional Eating! Learn from it instead!

Why emotional eating can be so persistent

End emotional eating by decoding your triggers