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Eating alone

Michelle May

Eating-alone

Eating alone is difficult for a lot of people. When they’re eating alone in public, they feel may self-conscious. When they’re eating alone at home, they may feel bored or even afraid of losing control.

We eat alone for many different reasons: Break time at work, grabbing a bite to eat while running errands, business travel, and of course, those long evenings in front of the TV. Learning to manage this common occurrence is another step in healing your relationship with food.

Dining with myself… Uh Oh!

Eating-alone-at-night(Now just try to get Billy Idol’s song Dancing with Myself out of your head!)

When you think about eating by yourself, what comes to mind?

  • Great! A chance to fully experience a wonderful meal!
  • Eating by myself is borrrr-ring!
  • Everyone must think I’m pathetic and don’t have any friends to eat with.
  • Good! Now I can eat whatever I want and as much as I want!
  • Everyone is judging me for my size and food choices.
  • Uh, oh… I can’t trust myself alone with food!

Hints about your relationship with food

Whether eating by yourself conjures up boredom, embarrassment, anticipation, or fear, it gives you a little hint about the state of your relationship with food.

Just like a relationship with a partner, your thoughts and feelings about food reveal the state of your relationship. Would you say your relationship with food reflects love, care, curiosity, anticipation, joy, and contentment? Or is it boring, predictable, taken for granted—or even abusive?

Ironically, healing your relationship with food requires you to love food more, not less. Think about it: when you really love someone, you spend time with them, give them your full attention, and respect them.

Eating alone can be an opportunity to reignite the spark by having a love affair with your food. I don’t mean the secretive, cheating kind of affair. I mean rediscovering the reason you fell in love in the first place. Slow down, minimize distractions, and engage fully in the process of eating.

Make a date with yourself to eat alone

As a professional speaker, I often found myself eating meals alone when I traveled. Some of my speaker colleagues said eating alone felt too awkward, so they’d order room service instead. For me, going out to dinner by myself was a chance to practice mindful eating without distractions and led to many lovely, memorable meals!

It’s great to practice eating mindfully by yourself at home. Just open your copy of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat to the chapter about mindful eating to guide you through the step-by-step process.

I also highly recommend taking yourself out to dinner to reconnect with your food and your body. Here are my suggestions for making eating out alone a special occasion to look forward to instead of dread.

  1. Take yourself OUT to dinner. (Lunch is fine too if you don’t want to rush into anything.)
  2. Select a special restaurant where you are unlikely to run into anyone you know so you can enjoy the experience privately. It doesn’t need to be expensive—just known for its great food and ambiance. Choose a place you’ve always wanted to go or one that has been highly recommended by the concierge, a food critic, or a trusted foodie.
  3. Dress for the occasion so you feel your best—you’re worth it!
  4. Leave your book, computer, and other distractions at home; put your phone in airplane mode so you won’t be disturbed.
  5. Ask for the best table, preferably one with a window view—or my favorite, a view of the staff preparing your meal!
  6. Take your time perusing the menu. Ask questions and pay attention to what really appeals to you.
  7. Skip the buffet, the ordinary, the healthiest, and the cheapest items—unless that’s what you really want. (Watch this Fearless Eating video for three questions to ask yourself for deciding what to eat.)
  8. Keep in mind you don’t want to ruin this special occasion by feeling stuffed. Order only as much food as you can comfortably enjoy without regret, or if necessary, take any extra home to enjoy for another snack or meal.
  9. Linger over your meal. Appreciate the appearance, aromas, and flavors as you savor every bite.
  10. Be selective; don’t bother eating a second bite of anything that isn’t fabulous. (Consider sending food back if it’s not prepared well. Remember, you are the paying customer!)
  11. Stay tuned in to your body. You may be surprised to notice clear signals of satisfaction when you slow down and truly enjoy your food.

Bonus: When you find yourself compelled to take a photo of your lovely food, you’ll know you’ve fallen back in love!

Assuming your first date goes well, maybe you’ll decide to go “Dancing with Yourself” on your next date!

This article has been updated from a previously published version.

Enjoyed this article? Here are three more to help you:

Love-Hate Relationship with Food: Candy and cookies and pie – oh my!

Sensuous Eating: Make eating a multisensory experience

Transforming Your Relationship with Food

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